miss nina miranda

oh how i miss you nina miranda- it is unbelievable that i let you slip away. i drove you away, pushed you away. ignored you- there is not a day that goes by that i do not think of you. my emotions are not angry with you. i think had we stayed married that it would have been very difficult to do. only if i know what i know today could there have been a great marriage. i did not know what i had with you, it was not special to me and i wanted something better. it has taken the path i was forced onto to understand what God had given me.. it is from my own lack of emotion that dried up the love that we had- and from its potential that it all had. i did not seek out wisdom in our marriage and my spiritual eyes were not looking at what was deep and lasting. from hardship and torture (being without knowing you) do my spiritual eyes see what i had lost. i have hope for us- i know that this life is only temporal at best and someday all will be erased that injustice of divorce. recovery will be given and tears of joy will flow. it is at that time that i will be restored back to you in full understanding. i only hope that in this life we can have a conversation of understanding, that i may be able to direct you, and you direct me to our potential fullness.

nina who

This is a blog dedicated to the one i lost through a divorce in 1999. Not only did i lose a most cherished wife, but an entire family. There are no memorials to this type of loss. no place to visit but the now unfamiliar street that i used to live on. An entire side of my family now feels uncomfortable to see me. There is so much to say on what i have processed in the past 5 years of my divorce. I do not have resentment or anger towards my ex, but what i do have is much insight to the reasons of that divorce. My wife wanted a life of unlimited possibilites and unstoppable joy! i suspect that she has not found this nirvana through the divorce - it would be of great benefit to her own understanding to review the ten years that we had together to figure out the reasons for why we married in the first place and the accomplishments that we had. More importantly to figure out what went wrong and where that took us. This blog is for me to organize my many thoughts that i have had since the divorce in 1999.